


Look At My... Magnum Dong

by Asorenii



Category: Voltron - Fandom, Voltron: Legendary Defender, vld - Fandom
Genre: Klance smut, Laith, Lancelot - Freeform, Other, Voltron Smut, Voltron nsfw, i also wrote this for discord, i'm so very sorry if you click on this but it would mean a lot if you enjoyed it, it's nsfw but not actual porn, klance, klance porn, lancelot porn, lancelot smut, this is crack porn, volporn, voltron porn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-14
Updated: 2018-08-14
Packaged: 2019-06-27 13:34:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15686436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asorenii/pseuds/Asorenii
Summary: Keith and Lance are horny teenagers. I am a writer who loves to change that. Now they are grammatically incorrect, incoherent, an just all-out stupidfied teenagers. This is crack. It's horrible and i advise you to close your door if you laugh loudly.





	1. Chapter 1

lonce was in his Red cockpit cabin with his Bayard, moaning kwuieche’s name out loud. “Oh Kwueiche you are the light of my life~” He moaned, his big, monster schlong hard and ready. Kwueiche could hear lonce though, and his own alien monster schlong got just as hard. “Oh lonce you’re so handsome,” he said, lonce hearing him. “And modest” Lonce said, smiling. He teleported over to Kwuieches cabin an made out with him heavily, doing a few dos in the time. He peeled away the armor to reveal… “You wear your jacket under it” Lonce said, Kwueiches red cropped jacket against his tight skin. “Why wouldn’t I?” Kwuieche asked. 

Lonce shrugged and made out with him more, pulling on his hair. Kwuieche moaned out like a bird, squawking. “What the fuck” lonce said, though he was turned on. “It’s a moan?” “No what no its not a moan is like… nice to hear.. you sound like you’re dying.” Kwuieche looked confused. “Isn’t everybody?” Lonce shrugged. “True.” He made out with him more until they were both naked as a peeled grape. “Oh lonce put your big master schlong in me!” Kwuieche moaned out. “But Kwuieche I want your monster schlong in me.” Kwuieche frowned. “Well we’re in a tight predickament here then, huh?” 

Finally they agreed Kwuiehces monster schlong was going to go into lonce’s butt. Lonce was open for Kwuieche and Kwuieche was happy to stick his tree trunk into lonce’s soily ass. He made love to lonce, though he accidentally slipped out and started to make love to his thighs- which wasn’t bad but then how could a tree survive without soil so he stuck his schlong-y trunk back into the soil. Lonce was very happy with Kwuieches tree trunk, he was helping the earth after all.

Finally Kwuieche came like leaves, shaking out into the soil. Lonce was happy and let Kwuieche cum in him. “lonce can you have babies?” He asked. “No. I have a peepaw and not a veevaw.” Kwuieche understood immediately as lonce used the language of his people- the Texanese. He was done and made out with lonce a lot more, though he almost pulled out a tooth from sucking on it too hard. 

“Oh lonce I love you to the top of the ceiling and back.” “That’s not very far.” lOnce said. “It’s farther for me because I’m short and stout like a teacup.” Lonce nodded at kwuieches reasoning. “Well I love you to my head to my toe.” “What should your knees and shoulders?” Lonce smirked and Kwuieche smirked back. They formed a circle- of two people- and started to chant “HEADS SHOULDERS KNEES AND ToES KNEES AND TOES. HEAD SHOULDERS KNEES AND TOES KNEES AND TOOOOES. EYES AND EARS AND MOUTHES-" Lonce stopped, looking at Kwuieche. “Mouthes? We’ve only got one.” Kwuieche shook his head and opened up his second jaw. Lonce screamed. “WHATTHEFUCK.” “Chill bro it’s just a dual chewing mechanism,” 

Finally when they were done, Kwuieche was sitting on the floor, playing with… lint. lonce was putting on his clothes. “Kwuieche you should put clothes on.” “No. I want my schlong to be free and breathe.” Lonce shrugged. “Okay but it’s going to shrivel up like a raisin.” Kwuieche looked at him. “Thats my kink.” Lonce froze. “No way that’s my kink as well.” Then they got married because if you have raisin dick kink- you’ve found your soulmate.


	2. Loreal and Lonce Have Schlongex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry

loreal and lonce were sitting on a couch watching a dramatic cooking show. One of the contestants was tasked with creating a dessert. They chose… carrot cake. “That isn’t even using half of your ingredients!” lonce shouted. “Actually- she has carrots and butter. Just… no sugar, milk, eggs, cream, and margarine.” Loreal said. “Oh.” Lonce shrugged and rested his head on loreals shoulder pads. The were made of cement so he could look buff. lonce loved him for it. “Why do you smell like gym socks?” lonce asked loreal. “Because I don’t shower.” “WHAT?!” lonce shrieked out like a mother who just saw a flasher at the bus station. loreal nodded. “Thats why I look purple.” Lonce gasped. “I THOUGHT YOU WERE AN ALIEN.” Loreal looked oofended. “I AM NO SUCH THING.” 

Lonce and Loreal continued to fight, eventually fighting each other quietly with their swords. Lonce gripped his tightly and swung it at Loreal, who blocked it with a ‘thwap.’ “We should really stop. It’s bruising my dick.” Loreal said, holding his limp, long, purple alien schlong. “It’s turning me on.” lonce said. Loreals schlond shot up. “Well if you’re turned on then I am too.” “Do you… just have an on-switch for your penis?” Loreal nodded, taking off his shirt. “I have an entire control panel.” He did. It was on his back. “No wonder I thought you had back-abs.” 

Loreal and Lonce made out, but lonce liked tongue and loreal didn’t so it was lonce slobbering over Loreal, who was basically uncomfortable as lonce made out with every inch of his face except for his lips. “You taste like what I imagine the bottom of a hospital trash can would taste like.” Loreal shrugged. “Thats what I get for using Axe Body Spray.” Lonce shrugged and made out with Loreals eyebrow hairs, specifically the one that was the longest in the middle of his forehead. Loreal continued to bap lonce’s schlong, the tiny brown stick like a twig. A Twink twig. A Twagink. Perfect. “Lonce you have a twagink.” lonce gasped. “A TWINK TWIG DICK???” “EXACTLY” “YOU BITCH.”

Loreal and lonce fought more over why lonce was deepthroating boreal’s forehead hair. lonce said it was the only part of him that wasn’t contaminated. Finally after the two made up and out, lonce rested on loreals cement shoulder once more. “Should we even consider ourselves dating?” “I mean… I like you and you like me.” Lonce shushed him. “~lets get together and kill barney.~” Loreal patted his thighs excitedly. “~*WITH A BIG SHOTGUN AND SHOOT HIM IN HIS HEAD*~” lonce looked concerned at how excited loreal was at this. “~finish him off and now he’s-~” Loreal finished, pulling a shotgun out of his thick hair. “~DEAD~” 

After their show stopped, lonce stopped loreal from leaving. “This is an intervention. You are too fucking psychotic.” Loreal huffed. “It’s not my fault I have daddy issues.” lonce frowned. “What?” “Daddy issues. My daddy was mean.” “Oh so like a daddy kink?” loreal guffawed. “NO YOU INSOLENT TWIT.” lonce started crying. “AM I THE DUMB ONE??” loreal nodded. “YES YOU FUCKING TWIG.” lonce pouted. “Then you’re the ugly one.” Loreal took great offense and tackled lonce, but his cement shoulders pinned him to the floor. “FUCK.” 

Lonce laughed and only fell forward too because he’d accidentally used his mega-gravity face mask and face planted on the ground. He couldn’t move or talk so he just kind of… writhed there. For a very long time. He actually couldn’t remove his face from the ground so when Loreal got buff enough to pull himself off the ground, he just accepted that his boyfriend would never move up and decided to use him as a table for the rest of his life. Lonce only stayed alive by inhaling the Nature Valley crumbs he’d dropped over the years onto the carpet.


End file.
